The proverbial Joneses. The family that has everything that everyone wants, that sets the trends everyone wants to follow, that people struggle to mimic. To some degree, we all try to keep up with them, as the saying goes, but letting your kids do this to the extreme isn’t necessarily good for your kids.

For starters, the Joneses put an extremely high value on things. They define themselves by what they have, judging their worth through their material items or the activities they’re able to participate in. The problem with this is that the physical goods and activity trends people use constantly shift. If your child uses things and activities to gain a sense of identity, he has to constantly reevaluate who he is, and he inevitably will repeatedly question whether he’s still good enough. By contrast, if your kid focuses inward, gaining a sense of self from what he can do and enjoys, he will be secure in himself no matter what might be going on in a particular season.

Related to the focus on the material is that idea that the Joneses put their things and activities ahead of other people. They are so busy with these things for the sake of appearance that they don’t really take the time to connect emotionally or spiritually with the people in their community. If your child follows suit, he likely won’t form deep, lasting relationships that can give more meaning to his life.

And it gets worse. Even as your child has difficulty making true connections with others, in following the Joneses, he truly, truly follows, meaning that he never really learns to be distinct and set himself apart. He becomes just one more person in the crowd that is like everyone else, and because he doesn’t stand out, it can be even harder to make good friends.

Then there is the fact that the Joneses can come to see your kid as a trend, as well. If he suddenly can’t keep as before—this is not all that difficult to imagine, given that almost no one’s financial situation or income stays perfectly constant, and given that even well-to-do individuals have to address rising costs and inflation—the superficial relationships he has can quickly fall apart. This can be devastating to his self-esteem and make him worry about whether he’ll be hurt again if he tries to make new friends.

For many people, trying to reach a gold standard for acceptance using money blurs the line between want and need. If this happens to your kid, he might not really grasp when to stop spending. Even more disconcerting, he might not ever learn to be satisfied, always running after happiness in the next store and never finding it on the receipt.

From the purely financial perspective, your child might be better off leaving the Joneses alone simply because (well, duh) it’s expensive. The money your child puts into buying the latest things and going with the crowd severely limits his saving power and makes it harder to do things like save for retirement or invest. In other words, the Joneses who spend now are the Joneses who likely won’t have money later, and you don’t want him to follow their example.